Three weeks ago I woke up feeling crappy. I ate some citrus, made myself a green juice and taught my yoga class. By noon I was on the couch with a fever. I am not a fever kinda girl. I get the annual cold where I am laid out for a week with a stuffy nose but that’s it.
I spent my days in a fever haze, taking vitamins and hot baths, using a cold compress on my forehead and feet, eating more citrus than I normally eat in an entire year, and yet I was running close to 101 temperatures and every day at around 2pm my fever would spike to 102. After 10 days it was clear I wasn’t getting better. I went to my local urgent care and I found out I had the flu that turned into a pneumonia.
Time for the big guns, steroids, antibiotics and an inhaler. I was feeling so crappy I would have done anything they told me to do. Luckily the doctor was caring and open and really worked with me to yes, give me the meds I needed but also honor the fact that I prefer to use holistic treatments.
After a week on the meds I went back for a follow up. I was scared because although the fever went away immediately my cough didn’t seem to be getting better and as a matter of fact I was hearing even more wheezing and crackling in my upper chest. The doctor looked at me with a big smile, “This is exactly what we want to see. The phlegm is coming up and out and the noises mean that things have moved to the upper respiratory area – out of the lower lungs. That’s really good news.” I cried. I apologized for crying. I cried some more. I was so relieved. I was getting better.
17 days. 17 days of feeling like shit and I was broken. Honestly I don’t know how people deal with serious illnesses that take years to heal, or that don’t heal at all. I am filled to the brim with compassion for the humans in our world who are ill at this moment.
As I write this I am 20 days into this journey and yesterday I finally went for a little walk in the woods. I stayed on flat trails, took it very slooooowly, held tight to my honey’s arm, sat when I needed a break….but I was in the woods! And I felt alive and grateful and ready to emerge out of this.
This flu/pneumonia has been a reboot. Everything that was not serving me emotionally, physically and spiritually was burned away in that ten day internal fire. And everything that I am, everything that I “do,” everything I identify as, was stripped away. Now I have an opportunity to rebuild my life in a new way. I am a blank canvas and I get to choose the colors, the images, the texture, the feel of the painting of my life.
Over two years ago I received a deep knowing, that slow and steady energy is what is needed in my life. More specifically I was guided to bring three practices into my daily life – 20 minutes each. 20, 20, 20. 20 minutes of meditation, 20 minutes of physical movement in nature, 20 minutes of channeled writing.
None of it is to get to a goal but to see how such a simple practice of connection will feel.
I’ve decided to document this journey here.
– Would you like to join me?
– What will your three practices be?
– Not the should list but what your heart would want from you each day?