Acceptance, Beliefs, Change, Love, Purpose, Self care, Self care / self love, Transformation

I can’t even believe it

I can’t even believe it. I’m off to Taos again. This time driving with a friend, house sitting for a month, then heading off to magical Sedona for a week.

Looking in from the outside you would think I was super adventurous and a world traveler. The second part is true, I’ve been traveling since I was seven, when I boarded my first flight. My grandparents saw me off in Rio and my Mom met me at JFK. I wore a lanyard with my name and passport number around my neck and the flight attendants took care of me during the 10 hour flight. I got to meet the pilot and check out the cockpit. That part was fun. I also had what I would refer to now as an anxiety attack and threw up into the little paper bags in the seat pocket in front of me.
I was very nerv-cited. Nervous about the unknowns and excited about the new adventure I was embarking on. Similar to how I’m feeling today.
As I look at the picture above, of me in my favorite unicorn shirt, I see a tough cookie. She’s like, “I got this.” That’s been my stance all my life. But the reality is I kinda don’t.
You see I’ve been operating in the world in a particular way:
 – I give off the “I got this” vibe
 – I don’t ask for what I need (because a lot of the time I don’t even know)
 – You (or whoever is in front of me) can’t fill my needs – because neither one of us knows what they are
 – I resent you for not giving me what I crave
 – I feel like a victim and like no one can be there for me
 – I give off the “I got this” vibe and we start all over again
So, I’ve decided to do it differently.
I am taking the time to connect to myself and take responsibility for my needs. I am then communicating with the amazing people in my life. And (I think the biggest piece to all) I’m opening myself to receiving.
The irony is that as I own that part of myself that feels like she doesn’t “have this”, the more I actually do “have this.”  Because now I’m not holding it all on my own.
What do you need in your life today? Can you ask for those needs to be met? Can you open to receiving?
Sending love,
Patricia
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